Building remote relationships that matter

No all-team virtual happy hours necessary.

My product manager peers who (remotely) started new jobs during COVID-19 seem to agree: the biggest challenge is building relationships.

On the surface I didn’t find this surprising — it’s intuitive that no live face-time, fewer casual encounters at lunch or between meetings would make it more difficult for colleagues to feel familiar. Anyone who has been part of a buzzing Slack instance can tell you that remote collaboration tools don’t produce closeness on their own — they require your time and intent to foster relationships. But I underestimated the degree to which real relationship building impacts a PM’s efficacy:

• Many critical product management moments stem from addressing the elephant in the room — asking the “why are we taking this approach?” or “why are we doing this at all?” questions that probably should have been asked weeks or months ago. Without an assumption of positive intent, it can be difficult for new PMs to ask these questions and get an appropriate response. These questions can be perceived as disruptive or political and be dismissed, closing the window of opportunity to address a misstep.
• During any sensitive moment of change — new team formation, investment or process decisions, mergers/acquisitions — open feedback can be the deciding factor in whether we continue on our current path (with brewing discontent) or change course. Without a window to give feedback (and trust that it will be received and considered)… low team morale, process inefficiencies, and other issues can spread quickly.
• Much of what I consider “product quality” — that extra 10% of work that makes your visual design shine, removes another UX barrier, adds delight to copy, creates another experimentation opportunity — stems from positive team relationships and the desire to go a little further together. I rely on strong relationships to make that “extra two hour” ask we need to create something exceptional. Without that social capital and sense of shared goals, you’re much more likely to get the default answer — our resources are fully booked. Come back next quarter.

With so much on the line, I’ve been polling PMs about the simple techniques they use to make the most of our remote time together. Here are a few I’m putting into practice:

1. Be intentional about the way we frame/label time — the title of your Zoom meeting impacts that mindset that people bring to it. Being explicit that this is “water cooler” time, for example, helps remove the notion that we need an agenda or need to discuss urgent work topics. Separating that time helps indicate that you value it — relationships aren’t the optional last 5 minutes of our tactical catch-up. They’re the foundation that enables us to work together effectively, long term.
2. Be intentional about creating infrequent interactions — before shelter in place, I had never set up “every 6 weeks” 1:1s (there was no need, seeing each other at lunch or bumping into each other before/after larger meetings)… but now they are important for maintaining relationships between months of inactive collaboration.
3. Within your team, create explicit time for the important topics (strategy review, addressing personal growth/personal goals)… So often, toward the end of a 30 minute sync, we hit on a big meaty question or topic we have to take ‘offline”…. And the reality with ~6 hours of meetings per day is there is no quality time offline. If we say something is important, we have to put our m̶o̶n̶e̶y̶ time where our mouth is and commit the hours. A big part of building trusting relationships is building the confidence that you’ll do what you promise — and these long-term planning and personal growth conversations are some of the most vulnerable to packed schedules.

How do you promote strong relationships in your remote product teams?